Have you ever wished your life would be simpler at times? That's kinda how I'm feeling right now. I feel like my insides...my emotions...my spirit....are rolling around inside of me in this frenzy of activity and turmoil and I don't know how to stop it. I pray and declare peace over my life but sometimes I feel the oppression so strong that it is hard to breathe. I know Who I belong to and Who has control over my life so that oppression is broken in Jesus' name. I know God's promises and the promises that He has made me. I know where I'm going and the path I am to take. I understand that sometimes life is hard and I have to persevere, but sometimes I just feel like crying. Plain and simple. I know it sounds silly, but a good cry always makes me feel better. Random, I know, but I just wanted to share that.
I've cried a lot over the last week. More waiting will do that to you.....or to me for that matter. I was supposed to leave for Africa three days ago. Three days ago I would be where my life and my heart are right now.....where my future is....where my orphans are waiting for me....where my work is waiting for me....where I will make a difference for the Kingdom of God....where the new gifts God has given to me will produce fruit. There is a reason for everything and so I know that I am here for a reason. My good friend Manuel reminded me of that yesterday. He said that if I'm here to make a difference in one person by smiling at them, then it is all worth it. A hard thing to swallow for a girl who has been waiting 9 months to get to her mission field. Waiting for me has meant saying goodbye to one of the best friends I have ever had....it has meant making some hard decisions that I wish I never would have had to make....it has meant saying goodbye to my youth group students all over again....it has meant having to see some really good old friends that I have to say goodbye to all over again....it has meant preparing myself to watch my other best friend drive away to start her new season in life....
I haven't asked why because that would be pointless....there is always a reason and sometimes we don't see it until later on down the road. I just wasn't prepared for waiting and all that entailed. My strength will rise as I wait on the Lord....and I can tell you for sure that I'm being strengthened A LOT every day that I wait.
Holding on a little longer,
Gina :)
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7 comments:
weeze, You can do this! I am praying for strength and a dash of understanding! and Who knows maybe you stayed so you could see me one more time :) I am so proud of you and excited about whats next! I love you sister and know i maybe on the other side of the wotld but i'm always around when you need me!
-renae
UGH! I feel it. I want you out of here bad. Not because I don't want you near me, but because I can't wait to see what God has prepared for you. Maybe it's not that He wants you here so much as you're just not supposed to be there yet. It could be that simple. (It never really is, but it could be.) Who knows what you're being kept from in Zimbabwe?! If you would have gone already, would you have been in danger, gotten sick, or worse? His timing is perfect. He's got more than you could ask or imagine in store. He knows what he's doing. And, FYI you'll be saying goodbye a lot in your new life as a missionary. The people you'll be meeting on the field...the tiny babies who's bodies can't fight disease anymore.... There are many more goodbyes and changes heading your way. Isn't it a good thing that God is preparing you for all of that by starting you off with a support system around you and saying goodbye to people you know you're going to see again one day?
I love you, Gina. Seek Him in the meantime. Prepare your heart as much as you can. He's given you extra time!
Gina, oh my Gina, how I love my Gina! How perfect is my Gina! Created in the amazing image of her Father! So wonderful and beautiful and super-de-duper is my Gina! Oh how I love my Gina!
Hey, I know the feeling of waiting; I was never ever good at it either. So my heart is with you and I WILL pray for you! Just think, this too shall pass and you'll see God's promises and faithfulness. I am sure of it. I bet you there is a baby being born now that needs you from day one she is brought to the orphan and so God is holding you back just a bit so when she is brought there she enters straight into tour loving arms. How 'bout them apples!?!
Also, you haven't said by to me yet, so there is one friend you don't have to repeat that process with!! :)
I sure do love and admire you!!!
Laura
Those feelings stink! I'm sorry you have to go through this roller coaster of emotion and frustration. May Jesus be more real to you than ever. I love you.
*Ben
Wow! Waiting is hard. You said it all in your post. God has a plan for you while in Napa, on the East Coast, and in Zimbabwe. We believe in you. -Pasor Eric
Today is a new day Gina! Filled with purpose of why you are still in Napa. Never question the timing of GOD. Giving GOD your life is in HIS CONTROL now. Your family in Napa needs you now. Look beyond I was suppose to be in Africa and thank YOU JESUS for allowing me to stay with my Napa family longer. RESTING in YOUR WILL for my life daily. Asking who can I help today or encouragement in American today!!! Proud of you, love Sparkie"MOM"
Today is a new day Gina! Filled with purpose of why you are still in Napa. Never question the timing of GOD. Giving GOD your life is in HIS CONTROL now. Your family in Napa needs you now. Look beyond I was suppose to be in Africa and thank YOU JESUS for allowing me to stay with my Napa family longer. RESTING in YOUR WILL for my life daily. Asking who can I help today or encouragement in American today!!! Proud of you, love Sparkie"MOM"
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